No Man Is An Island

2007-02-28

I remember singing this song in fourth grade chorus. Essentially the words of the song have stuck with me since then. I was a very enlightened child in retrospect. I haven't sung the song since then but I've remembered the words ever since.

No man is an island, No man stands alone,

Each man’s joy, is joy to me, Each man’s grief is my own.

We need one another, So I will defend

Each man as my brother, Each man as my friend.

I believer it was during the 1975-1976 school year, the bicentennial celebration was approaching, hence all the patriotic songs. I remember we also sang;

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me: I lift my lamp beside the golden door.

As many times as I have been to New York, I’ve never had the opportunity to visit the Statue of Liberty, but I know these are the words engraved on the plaque at her base.

But these were the tenets and ideals this country has always embraced. It’s what we do, and I laugh when I read people railing against Illegals in this country. Please. Unless you are 100% Native American, your racism is showing.

Just because your ancestors came over here in a boat, doesn’t mean the invitation doesn’t stand. Look at how many different refugees risk their lives to get here. On our southern shores the rule has always been if you come by sea and make it to land, you get to stay. It’s why so many boat people are captured and returned to their home ports. These are people, who are just as equal as the rest of us, except they still believe in the “American Dream.” They also will do the piss poor jobs none of us will. Don’t blame them for getting jobs illegally. Blame the employer who is hiring them to avoid paying federal wage taxes. These people are not working for free. They are doing gainful employment and not given the opportunity to pay taxes and contribute to social security, which is why the decision was made to allow these people to collect some benefits. However, Corporate America should make up the deficit, or at least the ones who are caught..right Walmart?

I live in Pennsylvania, where they just approved a local casino to be built. I guess so we don’t have to make that two hour drive to Atlantic City. The state also wants to take some of the proceeds and offset some of the educational woes by offering the revenues to school districts to reduce tax burdens. But only if your school district is in one of the not so wealthy districts across PA. Since I pay about 25% in school taxes on my home yearly, Chester County won’t benefit.

On today’s local news, the casino is having a hard time staffing the lower paying jobs. Did I mention the casino is located in Chester, right outside of Philadelphia, where the average home goes for about 15-30k dollars. When I worked for a bank and I had to travel there, it was behind secured fencing and security was tight. If you needed drugs or guns though, just spin around, you’d have a dozen offers. They are trying to revitalize the area by adding gambling and horse racing. That’s right, get the people with gambling addictions to come, they won’t be able to help themselves and we need the revenue.

I know they have tried to make the city over, but placing a casino in the middle of this town to draw tourist in is essentially the same idea of putting a salt lick in your back yard to shoot deer. However, the reasons they are finding is the pay is too low, the applicants can’t start when they need them, etc. The racial makeup of the city as of the 2000 census was 18.94% White, 75.70% African American, 0.20% Native American, 0.61% Asian, 0.01% Pacific Islander, 3.03% from other races, and 1.51% from two or more races. Hispanic or Latino of any race were 5.39% of the population.

The median income for a household in the city was $25,703, and the median income for a family was $30,336. Males had a median income of $29,528 versus $23,705 for females. The per capita income for the city was $13,052. About 22.8% of families and 27.2% of the population were below the poverty line, including 36.9% of those under age 18 and 21.8% of those age 65 or over.

They can’t find people willing to work? I bet if you asked an “illegal” they would jump at the chance. It’s Harrah’s Casino on the Waterfront. I just checked the job listings. Twenty-three different positions, ranging form Slot attendant to Human Resources. Of course, you do have to have a high school or GED equivalent and pass a hair follicle drug test. Aside from that, the one reason the was chosen, they knew they could draw off the local population and provide jobs to lower income families. I don’t think, to quote Cousin Eddie’s wife, is that they are holding out for a management position.

But what is the solution that has been up for debate? Let’s build a big old wall on our borders, the US is closed. Obama voted for it. But wait, hmmm...the only way to get that wall built we’ll use the illegals to build it, then trick them into going back to their side for some Quality Assurance and lock them out. Don’t worry about them sneaking in, I’m sure our fellow NRA Gun Toting I- have- a- right- to- own- a –gun- Americans will patrol the borders for free.

Are these the same Americans who want the right to bear arms, but only if they don’t have to use them as the intent was conceived? It was to form a militia. Americans had to defend themselves from the natives, when essentially we were the illegals. Many a pow wow went on, discussing these foreigners. Ingrates. We teach them to survive, and the repayment is Wounded Knee.

To quote a famous editor about the incident in 1890; "The Pioneer has before declared that our only safety depends upon the total extermination of the Indians. Having wronged them for centuries, we had better, in order to protect our civilization, follow it up by one more wrong and wipe these untamed and untamable creatures from the face of the earth. In this lies future safety for our settlers and the soldiers who are under incompetent commands. Otherwise, we may expect future years to be as full of trouble with the redskins as those have been in the past."

That was written by L. Frank Baum who later wrote the Wizard of Oz. But in the case of wiping out 152 Lakota Indians, medals of honor were disbursed in 1891. A little over a hundred years later, we invade Iraq to stop ethnic cleansing and Saddam is tried and hung for the murder of 148 Iraqi Shiites. If he had only claimed four more, we would have given him a medal.

You can’t have it both ways folks. Our government isn’t perfect nor will it ever be. Since we knocked out the Indians, and have them confined to a few reservations in the West, our cowboy spirit has extended globally. We want or need something; we live by reputation alone and open up a can of whoop ass on them. But what happens when that reputation isn’t enough to protect us anymore? September 11^th is what happens. Then the government scrambles to enact the Patriot Act because no cowboy wants to be caught again with their chaps down.

So we are subjected to the government having the ability to see what we see, search our belongings if we want to travel, and we give up our “civil rights” because we don’t know if the person beside us wants to kill us or not. Of course, its not you, and you resent having the government looking over your shoulder. But it certainly is plenty of other someone’s, as the Timothy McVeigh’s have proved, and how do you know it isn’t your neighbor and what goes on behind closed doors?

Necessary evil? If you were under public scrutiny as an elected official, how would you recommend our government to handle things any differently and remain a democracy? Bring our troops home, and place them around our borders? Lock everyone out, place sanctions against everyone else and we become self-sufficient? Better get those noodles crackin’ with some inventive ideas if we can’t get along with the rest of the world and closing shop and going to rely strictly on our resources.

I don’t see us dismantling the lady in the harbor anytime soon, with a big old Return to Sender and leave her on France’s shores.

You can rail all you want against the current state of affairs. But look at the big picture, how many times do you grow tired of trying just to keep the people in your family happy? Everyone wants something different and looking to you for an answer. You’re pulled in every direction, and what do you end up saying? Do you give in and let the children have their own way, or do you react as a parent should and set the rules and boundaries that have to be obeyed regardless if they like it or not, but peace must reign whether they think it is fair or not.

Now multiply that by 301,227,000 which is our current estimated population, and know your responsibility is to defend and protect your people as defined by everyone’s wants and needs. Good luck with that. You’re political affiliation is not going to do any better of a job then the last administration.

From John Donne Meditation XVII and I’m sure some of you will at least recognize the closing line but not the meaning;

"All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated...As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness....No man is an island, entire of itself...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee."

 

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We Interrupt This Blog

2007-02-27

Until future postings...trying to wrap my head around some things going on in my personal life. I don't have the leisure right now, to write my normal blogs, hopefully in a week or so I will be back on track.

However, I will continue to share humorous things I run across online, until I can focus again on my writing. We now return you to the following post.

Lipstick in school

According to a news report, a certain school in Garden City, MI was recently faced with a unique problem.

A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the washroom.That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. He called all the girls to the washroom and met them there with the maintenance man.

He explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, he asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY..

There are teachers, and then there are Educators

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Impossible Time Wasters

2007-02-27

http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/49231637/#

From our friends at Deviant Art a fun time waster, I believe there is a total of 82 questions.

enjoy!

 

Give it a minute to load. 

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NBA or NFL

2007-02-27

36 have been accused of spousal abuse.

7 have been arrested for fraud.

19  have been accused of writing bad checks

117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses.

3  have done time for assault

71, repeat 71 cannot  get a credit card due to bad credit

14  have been arrested on drug-related charges

8  have been arrested for shoplifting

21 currently are defendants in lawsuits, and

84  have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year

Can  you guess which organization this is?

Neither,  it's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The  same group of Idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

 AND THEY  VOTED THEMSELVES $15,000 PER MONTH PENSION FOR LIFE AFTER SERVING ONLY ONE TERM

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Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Uranium Enrichment

2007-02-25

“Hurry up Sally, we have to get to the airport”, cried Encyclopedia to his long time partner and crime solver Sally Kimball.

“I’m almost ready, I just have to make sure all of my toiletries are in my check in luggage. Do you have your passport?”

“Of course I do, how do you think we got clearance to go to Iran to inspect their nuclear program with out special sanctions from the U.N.?”

The beleaguered world leaders tired of all the warring factions and the global economy heading south, decided to scrimp together a fee to have inspectors go to Iran. Since most of the countries were an economic wreck, they checked international 411 and found Encyclopedia Brown. His rate of .25 cents a day guaranteed they could use his services for at least a week, if they waived any other per diem, and the Whitehouse donated Air force One.

“I’m so exited to finally get out of Idaville, at least for a week. You did bring sunscreen right.”

“ Yeah, though I don’t think we will need it, I hope we aren’t out in the Khuzestan Plain too long. You better have a sweater too.”

A black shiny limo pulled up in front of the Brown household. A uniformed driver opened the door for them, and whisked them away to the airport. The flight to Tehran took about 24 hours and Sally and Encyclopedia spent their time reviewing the case.

“So what exactly are we looking for Encyclopedia, and how will we know when we find it? We don’t have any nuclear reactors in Idaville.”

“I’ve spent sometime researching uranium Sally, and even though its been sixteen years since the end of the Gulf War, uranium has a half life of 4.5 billion years. If the Iranians are going to make energy, they need uranium. It all depends on how they enrich it.”

“But didn’t they say they couldn’t stop enriching it anyway?”

“They sure did Sally, but that’s not the whole story. The US helped the Iranians launch their nuclear program back in the 1950’s. Then after the Islamic revolution in 1979, they stopped it. Then the started it up again without help from the west.”

“So I still don’t understand what the big deal is?”

“Well, they have uranium mine, a nuclear reactor and a uranium enrichment plant. It’s our job to see how much it’s been enriched.”

“I’m tired Encyclopedia, sounds like we have a long day ahead of us. They can only afford a week, and we are losing two days travel time. I’m going to sleep.”

“Goodnight Sally, we do have a long day ahead of us.”

“By the way Encyclopedia, who was it again that recommended us?”

“Condoleezza, the Secretary of State. I think she is trying to make up for not marrying my Uncle Ben.”

“Oh yeah, Condoleezza Brown-Rice is kinda catchy but not if you are always in hot water. Well, goodnight again.”

The next day as Airforce One got security clearance, Encyclopedia and Sally were escorted by heavily armed soldiers. They arrived at the uranium mine first, and even though they were impressed, Encyclopedia wanted to hurry the tour along. Next they toured the Nuclear Reactor and took in the technology that was presented to them.

“Well, do you see anything yet Encyclopedia? These armed guards are making me nervous. I’m going to go look for a water fountain.”

As Sally walked down the hall she glanced at the unfamiliar writing written on the doors. At the end of the hallway, she spotted a door that looked different then all the rest. Ducking inside she was surprised to see a familiar face, surrounded by a turban.

“Buggs Meany! What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you Sally Kimball. Are you here alone?”

“No, Encyclopedia and I are both here, helping the U.N. determine what Iran’s real plans are for their nuclear enrichment program.”

“Oh, well I can assure you that my dad moved us over here, so he could run the power plant, I’m just visiting the office, and sometimes he lets me handle the switches.”

“Great, well I have to be going now, I just wanted a drink of water.”

Sally hurried back to tell Encyclopedia everything she learned.

“Well, based on what you told me Sally, I guess the U.N. is correct right now for imposing sanctions.”

What did Encyclopedia Brown learn?

Turn to page 56 for the answer

Buggs Meany claimed his father worked at the power plant, but Encyclopedia knew that was impossible. Idaville didn't have any nuclear power plants, so Bugg's father didn't have any experience. As of 2006 nuclear energy didn’t contribute to the Iranian power grid, 98% of their energy still came from oil. The uranium mine wasn't producing that much to offset the abundent fossil fuels found in Iran, and the next best resourse, solar power would make more sense. Apparently, the Meany’s left the US to sellout their country in hope of a quick buck. Sally decked Buggs Meany right in the kisser, and had the U.N. extradite the Meany’s home for treason.

 

 

 

 

 

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LIVE FROM HOLLYWOOD- part II

2007-02-25

I am revisting this blog from an earlier post . That and I was just watching 101 Sexiest Celebrities. Holding the number one and two spot respectively were Angelina and Brad. The program showed shot after shot of a very curvy Angelina, and she was the epitome of walking sex. With the red carpet rolling out tonight, it will be interesting to see if she has put any weight back on. Sorry for the interruption, I now return you to my post.

Tonight 800 million people worldwide will be watching the Land That Botox Never Forgets. Seriously, like the Superbowl, no one really cares who wins an award, Commericals are to Superbowl as Arrivals are to Oscars. I checked out a ballot andd honestly except for Jennifer Hudson , I don't care who wins but print this out if you want to play along http://a.oscar.abc.com/media/2007/images/nominees/printableballot2007.pdf

I will tune in to see how Ellen does this year hosting, and maybe check out David Spades live lampooning of the Oscars. But we all like watching the pretty people, but it is "live" television. I just wish someone would trip on the carpet, rip a dress, lose a diamond earring on loan, and frantically stop the progress to search for it..something to liven up the entrance. Yeah we always have the what were they thinking moment, I want to be there with a tray of Malted Milkshakes and Crisco and force feed any Skeletor who shows up looking like a reptile in Vera Wang. Honestly, backbones and ribcages are-not-sexy.

I also want a whole new set of Oscar Categories for the releases in 2007 to reflect the changing times. 

MOVIES TO MAKE MOST COSPLAYERS TO WAIT IN LINE

The Nominees Are:

StarWars - Episode 15 LUKE AND DARTH IN FAMILY COUNSELING

LORD OF THE COCK RINGS : THE HOBBITS FIND A GLORY HOLE

HARRY POTTER AND THE BREAKING OF HERMIONE'S HYMAN

BIGGEST ASSHOLE TO EXPLOIT HIS POPULARITY

TOM CRUISE

MOST VISIBLE USE OF GRATUITOUS SELF PROMOTION FOR A CAUSE OR LOBBY

ANGELINA & BRAD PITT- YOU TOO CAN OWN A CAMBODIAN BOAT CHILD

TOM CRUISE AND KATIE HOLMES- I'M NOT GAY I HAD A CHILD OUTSIDE A PETRIE DISH

PAMELA ANDERSON - PETA AND YOU- DON'T WEAR FUR JUST EAT THE MEAT

MOST BACKWARD RETREAT OF FRONTAL LOBES

NICHOLAS CAGE

BRUCE WILLIS

TOM HANKS

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO - I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD

CHARLETON HESTON 

CLINT EASTWOOD 

BURT REYNOLDS 

SALLY FIELD

DEBRA WINGER

KIM BASINGER

 

This is just a quick list off the top of my head. It can be refined, and write in categories will be accepted. Happy Voting!
 

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Cyber Dating- Bobby #74

2007-02-24

Perfect dating - Bobby Butronic

To be honest? I've dated worse. Hence the title for my memoirs:

"Don't Let The Little Lips Speak for the Big Lips"

I came up with this title for my new book, sort of a reflection on my loves, my likes, my life. Not a Sex in the City per se...but more of a tongue in cheek, (but not ass cheek) memoir of my romances in my 40's and what I've learned over 20 years. As always, the names will be changed to protect the guilty.

Possible Chapters

One Nighters vs All Nighters

One, Two & Threesomes a.k.a
Masturbators, Couch Potaters, Three Fingers...Whores...

Ex Convicts and Post Conjugal Visits

What Can Brown Do For You or UPS Delivers

Its Not My Fault He's Gay Now

Bad Pickup Lines and Online Blunders

Being the Younger Woman/Older Woman
or Lolita vs Mrs. Robinson

My Poody Does Not Have Wheels- But It Did Fly One Time

Good thing Bobby likes boobies, that's one thing I have plenty of!

 

 

 

 

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Public Service Announcement- Cellphone Tips

2007-02-24

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Friday Night Open Mike

2007-02-23

My Daddy the Dancer

One day a forth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the
typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawer, and
so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he
replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear.

Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then
took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

**********************************************

This is really short & sweet. Give it a try.

This test is based on how cool you were in High School-- what crowd you ran with, etc., but it's
still pretty accurate.

You may want to send it to all your friends to see if they've changed.

SEE IF YOU ARE STILL A COOL PERSON:

http://www.elks590.org/main/cooltest.htm

*******************************************************************************************************

The music stops. Totally freaked out, the student calls the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.

"Look at this, this is really something," the student tells the examiner as he pulls the cork back out again. They hear: "On the road again...just can't wait to get on the road again..." "So what?" the Medical Examiner replies, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery. "But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.

"Are you kidding?" replied the examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."

*****************************************************************************************

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Lets talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?" "Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about Nuclear Power?" "OK," she said. "That would be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?" The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss Nuclear Power when you don't know shit?"

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Send Lawyers, Guns and Money..

2007-02-22

I started out thinking about the old saying, that when you are dead you can count your true friends on one hand. In Hollywood, it may as well be a myth. Lets start out with Britney and her penis posse.

Where is Brit's gal pal Paris Hilton?

Seems to me, Ms. Hilton has a way with taking people under her wing, then strangling them. It’s quite a way to stay on top. Poor Ms. Spears in a downward spiral, and checking the news stories, Ms. Hilton isn't by her side, maybe she's babysitting the kids for her? Nah, she’s collecting a cool million at a mall in Vienna far away from shiny shears and the media.

Seems like any female celebrity who flies too close in Paris' orbit gets burned. We do not need or want another celebrity death on our hands, bad enough Anna Nicole cannot even spin in her proverbial grave.

I was reading the 1993 Playboy the other night when Anna was named playmate of the year. She was 25, the same age as Britney Spears is now, before she met Howard Marshall, just a young beautiful woman gaining notoriety with the only talent she had, showing her body, clothed or unclothed.

So here is another 25 year old cramming every experience into her short life, and can't handle the one thing that may help her. Seems like K-Fed is going to end up with custody, if she can't pull it together. He filed an emergency custody hearing yesterday. Now only if he grew up and did the 40 hour work week, instead of expecting spousal support from Britney, I could get behind him.

It is a sad state of affairs when sycophants by the likes of K-Fed, Howard K Stern et al, believe they are entitled to any part of these woman's lives. Even thought K Fed managed to marry Brit, father two children, supporting a household was too much responsibility placed on the shoulders of a young girl, it’s no wonder she's snapped.

Howie on the other hand, manipulated Anna Nicole. He saw the gravy train, and appointed himself conductor. I don’t care what that Bobby guy says, Howie is a shyster of the first degree.

Before you think I have my facts wrong, we need to look at just how Mr. Stern met Anna, and review some testimony.

Back in the early 90’s Anna was modeling; she started out with Guess Jeans. Sterns law firm handled the modeling contracts. In 1994 Anna married Howard Marshall, then he died fourteen months later in 1995. When Anna needed representation to fight for the fortune, Stern presented the direct examination of her case. I believe this is where he saw the big picture and had the patience to wait this out. Anna, suffering a loss was vulnerable and not the brightest star in the sky. Stern opens up his own talent agency, Hot Smoochie Lips Inc., with only one client- Anna. When the Anna Nicole show aired 2002-2004 Stern’s law firm closed, as he was “co-starring” on the show, though he kept the lowest profile ever, always flying under the radar, but guiding ANS every step of the way. But ANS isn't stable and needs to be controlled.

2003 Anna meets Birkhead at a Kentucky Derby gala. They "dated" and regardless of whom else is out there claiming paternity, I believe it is Larry Birkhead, call it a hunch. But Stern is there, constantly urging ANS in the spotlight, 2005 she is being licked in public in a gay bar by Dr. Kapoor http://www.tmz.com/2007/02/22/anna-and-dr-kapoor-down-and-dirty/. Larry Birkhead is there too, he's the one pushing the camera away. But what better way to set someone up for an accidental death, is a long history in the spot light of erratic behavior. There are witnesses testifying that Stern supplied the methadone to her son, then dumped the stash when he was found dead.

Interestingly enough, it was announced that Shane Gibson, after having controversial pictures released of he and Anna Nicole, stepped down from his parliament position in the Bahamas. Fast tracked Anna’s immigration is the accusation. Guess who was the photographer? That’s right, our buddy Howie.

Classic abuse behavior is separating the victim from people that love and care about them. There are multiple people pointing fingers at Howie – on the stand no less, claiming how Howie kept them from Anna. TMZ was able to verify the contents of the fridge in the Bahamas. Slimfast and Methadone, provided under aliases for Anna by a Dr. who lists his practice specialties as Geriatric and Internal Medicine, and “Celebrity Medicine.” I did not know that Celebrity Medicine was an actual practice. Hmmmm.

Now a judge has ruled that the survivor of Anna Nicole is entitled to her body, and she is to be buried next to her son in the Bahamas.

It will be intriguing to count on our fingers, how long Howie can prolong the paternity test, as he is listed as Dannielynn’s father on her birth certificate. Fortunately, for that baby, Anna’s marriage was not legally binding. But he is in it for the long haul. The Marshall fight continues, which is the link pin of this whole deal. He’s making millions off of Anna as it is, but there is so much more if he can continue his duck and cover ruse.

Howie needs a comeuppance. There is a lot more to this sordid, sad tale before it ends up on E True Hollywood Story. I did not think it was possible but Howard K. Stern gave Howard Stern such a bad name, the king of all self-promotion is now “The Howard.”

It is my supposition, that when it comes to a another man sharing his spoils, Howie did whatever he deemed necessary to eliminate anyone entitled to her money. I believe in days to come, it will be found that Stern is guilty of killing Anna’s son with Methadone, and involuntary manslaughter in the death of Anna Nicole.

Now I'm hiding in Honduras
I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns and money
The shit has hit the fan

Send lawyers, guns and money...

 

 

 

 

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Social Security - A Primer

2007-02-21

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Diamonds Aren't A Girls Best Friend

2007-02-20

A Plumber is....

I'll just preface this with I had to stop at Sears tonight to buy an Auger..Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

The toilet was flushing slow, and since it is Simon's preferred source of water, forget that I spent money on a cat fountain for him, and its filled with spring water, I was a little concerned. Plus the little man is worse than Lassie  in the wee hours of the morning, if something is wrong.

So a month or so ago, the toilet was slow and I called a Plumber. He came out, and charged me $135.00 to snake the drain, but he went through the tub. So...blaming the cat for a hair clog doesn't cut it when he's pure white, and the 5lbs of hair pulled out is every shade but..hmmph. So I was told to buy one of those drain cover's to catch hair, but as of yet I haven't. Wish I remembered that at Sears tonight.

So for the last few days, shower has been fine, but the damn toilet won't flush all the way. Since the house is 160 years old, I buy the fast disolve toilet paper, a.k.a. Communion Wipes. This paper just about melts when it hits moisture. But with another 3 a.m. wake up call from Simon, I knew I had to take control of the situation. Now before anyone thinks I'm spoiling the cat..he has diabetes so yes, I give him shots daily, and he basically is a free range cat when it comes to food and water...however, he isn't boneless. So I filled up the bathroom sink and lifted him up ( its really high) but the little connoisseur  was frowning on the well water. Which I have to say is on the acidic side, I forgot to adjust the filter. Have I mentioned old houses need ALOT of maintenance and hand holding?

But I love my house, and I have spent about 80k on it in the last two years. Only because the lovely people I bought it from, told me the house was "maintenance free" and all I had to do was mow the lawn. Its a half acre, but whatever..I knew they were wrong, and had a home inspection done. I took a 10K dollar credit at settlement to try and offset some of the cost of 33 years of them and their maintenance free.

But, I've shot my load on this house, so I figured tonight, I would spend the $10.00 on the auger. I'm not a girly girl when it comes to home repair. What I wouldn't do to own a nail gun...mmmmmm power. But the walls are 20" thick stone, so I don't get to nail too much. I found the snakes and augers and forgot how much I loved to shop..even if it is in a hardware store. I love to shop ..anywhere.

When I come home at night, Mr. Co-dependent cat is waiting for me at the door. We can do the whole..what is it boy? Is it Timmy? He can't drink out of the toilet either? He fell in the toilet? Don't worry, I have an auger!

I poked a hole in my finger trying to get the damn catch release from itself. But no big deal, just a little blood. I quickly double checked the odd little silhouette  man's actions on the cardboard backing to make sure I was in the same position. Thankfully I still had on my black dress from work, so I was set to go. 

I gently put the auger in the bowl, as not to scrape the porcelain, lord knows when I go to someone's house, points are deducted in my mind for that. Lovely house...but did you see the toilet bowl? Eeesshhhh..scratched.  

I went through the first gyrations, all the while talking to my self and the little black man in the directions. NO idea if anything was working. So I backed it out, what in god's name is that smell? EEWWWWW...back in the bowl. This time I just kept spinning it and pushing it til my arm was sore and I heard porcelain scratch.

I retracted the auger again, and this time got an ALL Clear and Simon was on top of the seat doing the final inspection. Except for not getting the proper permits he was satisfied, and I was washing my hands like an OCD after visiting a sewage plant.

That sucked. I'll let any man out there know right now, I can buy my own jewels, you want to impress me, give me a gift certificate to ServiceMagic. com. I'll love you forever.

 

 

 

 

 

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World Peace

2007-02-20

I'm reading the news online, and quite frankly my head is spinning with topics to blog about.

First we have the French who finally, "gasp" acknowledge they are rude, as tourism numbers are down another 1%. Their solution, I kid you not, is to learn how to be as rude as they are, to fit in. They even have an ad campaign going on at http://www.cestsoparis.com - yeah, I don't think they'll get my money anytime soon regardless of the countryside.

Then we have major atrocities that are against children. You start with good news, two boys recovered and found and the asshole in custody who kidnapped them. One for the good guys. But then I find other articles on the NC man who decapitated his daughter, and the mother who poisened her breast milk with cocaine and wait, not at trial yet, "allegedly" killed her 5 month old daughter.

Yes, I know the system eventually works, judicial and prison, but lets change some laws. Death penalty? I'm all for it. But stop the nine appeals process.

A better solution and I always thought it was best expressed at the end of one of my favorite stories, The Princess Bride was when Wesley was confronting Prince Humperdink, but since he was still mostly dead, he stalled for time, but the dialog was this:

Prince Humperdinck: First things first, to the death.
Westley: No. To the pain.
Prince Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase.
Westley: I'll explain and I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog faced buffoon.
Prince Humperdinck: That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me.
Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn't finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let's get on with it.
Westley: WRONG. Your ears you keep and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, "Dear God! What is that thing," will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.


You gotta love Goldman, if you haven't read him, you are missing alot.

You see, I don't think these people, and I use the term loosely, have any remorse for their actions. I think they weigh their options, that

1) they actually think they never will be caught, or

2) they go to prison so at least they have a roof over their heads and 3 squares a day.

I say, the Muslims have it right..or the bible..An eye for an eye. You kill your baby? You get a hysterectomy, and lose the abilty to ever have a child again.

You molest a child or rape someone? If you are a man, say goodbye to you hands and we castrate the hell out of you. We'll leave you with desire, but no way to appease it. Whose sorry now?

When I was a nanny, I used to tell the girls after an infraction they would apologize. I'd tell them, "Don't say you are sorry, just don't do it again." I forgive once, but don't repeat the transgression, or you prove that you aren't sorry.

We are too forgiving as a society. Yes we all have our inalienable rights, but if you abuse those rights, then you lose them. It's funny, how if you live by the Bible, God gave Moses 15 (crash) 10 Commandments (Sorry but I love History of the World) to follow. Pretty simple ones too. All spelled out, small words so everyone can follow. Only we can take those ten and have to have a Supreme Court and millions and millions of interpretrations to find loopholes and a gaggle of lawyers, to bypass them. The law is one area that shouldn't be gray. Look at murder convictions...1st Degree, 2nd Degree,Voluntary, Involuntary...tell that to the victim who is lying dead in the grave..What do you think? What you can't answer? You're dead? How did you die? So shall that be their sentence. Can we get forensics on this? Feel any remorse now for your actions?

 

See, your victim didn't know your plans, so their death came as a shock. You, get to hear your fate, and wonder when it is coming. You know what it will be, just not when.  If you appeal -it's just gonna happen that much faster. Eventually, society will learn to play nice. This will work with white collar crimes too. Sure my ideas need some work,I haven't quite fleshed it all out yet, but on the whole, if one understands that prison is no longer an option, and immediate accountability is at hand, you may just think twice before hurting someone for their behavior that you find offensive. Well, except for the French. We'll leave them to their own company. C'est la Vie.

 

Note I orginally posted this on 1.13.07 so no you aren't having case of deja vu if you have followed me over from Blogger or Myspace.

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How to Prank a Telemarketer

2007-02-19

How to prank a telemarketer

Pretty funny, if I say so myself.

It is a tough job. I know, I did it as a part time job at night when I was in ninth grade for Thrift Pak food service, then it became Colordo Prime. Which is why, when I get a telemarketing call, I'll listen for a bit. Nothing harder then trying to sell $8.00 lb hotdogs and an overpriced freezer. Back in those days, you had to qualify the lead for the sales rep, and ask outright what the income was, size of the family etc. Most men that heard a young woman on the phone, gave enough of the right answers, thinking I would be the one to show up at their door. The sales rep was always a guy, and for all the effort if he got the sale, you made $3.00 per lead if they bought the food, and a whopping $8.00 if they bought the freezer to hold it in. So I do cut some slack for telemarketers.

But when it comes to political surveys and the like...I warn them. I get to ask a question for everyone of their questions. I love it if a Supervisor is listening. They end the call before I do. Or if they only present me with two answers, ask for the third. There always is one, and you can figure out which politician is paying for the survey.

At any rate, this guy knows how to turn the tables on the telemarketer. I know he's on the Do Not Call list that all agency's have.

And by the way, if you are wondering how they get your unpublished number? We had phone books in numeric order with every name, that was purchased from marketing corporations. Think about that the next time they ask for your zipcode at checkout, when you swipe your credit or debit card. Big brother is watching, and he's making a profit off of you too.

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MLM= Morons Losing Money

2007-02-19

Anyone who reads the title and takes offense, quick check your bank statement over the last year. How much did you spend on inspirational tapes, videos, cd's that you are told is necessary to keep you motivated and you can write off as a business expense?

I know how the game is played. I experienced it first hand, watching an ex slowly lose everything in the hope of becoming a "diamond". Not that I am picking exclusively on Amway, Alticor, Quixtar or whatever name they are hiding behind. This is also about the Xango's, Isagenix,MaryKay,Longabegaberger Baskets, anyone who has a "Home Based Business Opportunity" based on  MLM as part of your scheme to retire wealthy. Mind you, I'm not talking about the products. If the business was straight forward and you were paid a straight commission for selling it, that's capitalism for you. Welcome to America.

If you are involved with one of these companies and don't think it's an MLM, Here's a checklist for you:

1) You have to spend money to join. Last time I checked I didn't pay my boss for the privilege of working for his bottom line.

2) You have to recruit other people and so on and so on. Would to god I could appropriate another person off the street to do my filing, and get a cut of their member fee, and the person they brought in to help them.. (I really hate filing).

3) You are strongly urged to attend monthly meetings, and pay for your seat. I snicker as I write this, I hate our meetings more then filing, try getting a dime out of me to attend.

4) You keep an inventory, or must maintain some kind of points or rewards or level every month or you don't get paid. Seriously I think the Labor Board should be able to oversee Home Based Businesses. There is a definition of what a 1099 employee is. The IRS states the determination is complex, but is essentially made by examining the right to control how, when, and where you perform those services. It is not based on how you are paid, how often you are paid, nor whether you work part-time or full-time. There are three basic areas that are relevant to determine employment status:

•  behavioral control,

•  financial control, and

•  relationship of the parties

I'm telling you, maintaining quotas is financial control and they are your employer if you fail to get paid for not making your points, or it reverts to an alternate form of compensation.

5) You find that you no longer associate with family and friends who don't support your business or vision. Uh huh. Also known As Behavioral Control. There is a great book written by Ruth Carter called "Behind the Smoke & Mirrors" that lays out just how insidious these corporations are and the mind fuck they do on their members. Read it. You can get it at Amazon. Here's a kicker .. I'm not getting paid a dime to share this "insider" information.

6) You're really pissed off after reading this and think you are going to try and change my mind. I never said that WC Fields wasn't correct in stating a sucker was born every minute, but my middle name isn't Cock. (This isn't about sex, where at that point Cock is my middle name, but that's another blog, another day)

I was inspired to write this, as I have a profile on Myspace. I get multiple friend requests to please add them as they have the best Home Based Business As Seen On TV. Listen up Sawyer, just because they scammed you does not a guru make. I would almost feel bad for these people, but they have the same tools to investigate at their fingertips as I do. You aren't different. Sure there are some people who succeed. But the statistic for Amway is less then one half of one percent. The only people making money is the Devoss family. Follow the money trail. See who is benefiting from their donations. From my observations it's the Religious right. Everything is connected people, and the bottom line is, it's about getting your money, not theirs.

Today's Friend Request was the most incredulous so far. I'd send the link, but I'm not giving this person any outside attention. Suffice it to say, I'm no prude and my toy and porn collection is just as good or more so then the next woman's. However, I have my favorite places both on and offline to make my purchases. I can assure you though,  it isn't from a woman in an RV who travels the east coast plying her trade, toting her obese kids around, too make enough money to keep her hubby in pork rinds and Budweiser. Take a marketing class hun, know your audience, and presentation is everything.

I'm done my little diatribe about this. I lived it for seven years, and have seen its effects on other people. When I was looking  to buy a house, I stopped at a run down (fixer upper would have been an optimistic adjective) Cape Cod. The previous occupants clearly made a midnight  dash out the back door and took only what was necessary. Throughout the house in every room were signs of another failed home based business venture. Their products, tapes, materials, the guy had bought everything he was supposed to, except he forgot to pay his mortgage. I passed on the house as the township had to give it a new C.O. (Certificate of Occupancy) before you could move in.

I'm not saying don't try following your dream. Just wake up every once in a while and see if it has turned into a nightmare. The good thing about dreams is that they are obtainable if you go about it the right way. Write a business plan; take it to your SBA, if it is feasible you can get a loan to get it off the ground.

Enough said for now, I'm sure the naysayer's will be responding. Well, go have another sip of your juice, detoxify your body, put on your makeup and throw the empty tubes in your basket. Just leave me out of it.

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Bald is Poodiful- Right Britney?

2007-02-18

I don't know what the fuss is all about. Truly. If anyone of you, such as myself, saw the poody shot of Brit a month or so ago, as she was exiting the limo...you have to realize she's just making the collar match the cuffs. No brainer...which is why she had a set of lips tattooed on her also...its all in the details.
Brittney Poody Shot. NC 17

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You Don't Prom at SchoolHouse Rock

2007-02-18

Do you want to know why?
Because it's a frickin' noun!

One of my biggest pet peeves is the decline of the English language and grammar in general. No this isn't a diatribe about foreigners in our country; I'm totally blaming Hollywood and the internet.

I believe it was during John Hughes movie "Pretty in Pink" or "Sixteen Candles" or anyone of his teenager angst laden 80's movies when Molly Ringwald first uttered the phrase, "But what about Prom?" that started the decline. Maybe it was "Ferris Bueller's Weird Science Breakfast Vacation in the Great Outdoors with Uncle Buck that was Some Kind of Wonderful Having a Baby with Curly Sue." Your choice, the 80's all kind of ran together there for a while.

But back to my pet peeve at hand.
The Prom people, for god sake it's one syllable. Use it. It's a noun, and even in its verb state, promenade you still need a preposition. To promenade. Every spring walk down a corridor at the mall, or as teenagers will say next, "You want to go mall with me?" Where in the English language does the misuse of a noun automatically make it a verb? I do stop and correct them. I don't care. Especially my friend's kids, they knew better then to try and pull that one in my presence.

I grew up watching Saturday cartoons like the rest of the world. Well, only till one o'clock and you knew it was all over, since SOOOOUUUUULLL Train came on. Needless to say, multiple times during the commercial breaks, we were inundated with the clever little ditties, from Schoolhouse Rock, that you can still hum or sing along with today. C'mon you know them…

Conjunction Junction, What's your function?

Lolly, Lolly, Lolly, got some adverbs here.Come on down to Lolly's, get the adverbs here!You're going to need, If you write or read,Or even think about it.

Oh, I put a dime in the drugstore record machine.
Oldies goldies started playing if you know what I mean.
I heard Chubby Checker, he was doin' the twist
And the Beatles and the Monkees, it goes like this!
I put a dime in the drugstore record machine.

Well every person you can know (The Beatles and the Monkees, Chubby Checker)
And every place that you can go (Like a neighborhood or a store)
And anything that you can show (Like a dime or a record machine)
You know they're nouns.

A noun's a special kind of word,
It's any name you ever heard,
I find it quite interesting,
A noun's a person, place, or thing.


Anyway, if you want to relive all and sing to yourself, go to http://www.schoolhouserock.tv/index.html

But my point is, it's now leaking over into commercials. I saw a new one the other day for Mop & Glow. Our beleaguered housewife is lamenting to Broom and Dustpan that they are not doing the job as expected. Ok, first off, they can't reply back, so pretty much a one sided argument, and Brooms don't sweep floors, People sweep floors. But she says Broom and Dustpan as if they were Moose and Squirrel.

There have been several news stories lately where they have actually thought about changing what is acceptable writing since the advent of IM's and text messaging. One theory is to allow phonetic spelling as opposed to just learning the correct way. I know some school districts do this in primary education. The thought process is, learn to spell it how it sounds, then teach them the correct way later. Que? The English language is difficult enough, without having to learn it twice.

Other languages are easier to learn, you only have to remember if they words are male or female. We've neutralized the gender in English, and instead came up with a whole bunch of rules to study and remember. But, we do stretch this out throughout our education process, so as hard as it is,it should be accomplished by your senior year.Foreigners that come to our country are doing it a hell of a lot faster in an ESL class at night school. They are so happy to be in our country; they will learn the language and pay for the privilege.

Get one text message or IM from a teenager, and U hav3 2 figur out wt thy r sayng . <3
WTF? OMFG – see I can do it too. I was reading one conversation the other day between my friend's son on Myspace and a girl. Not one word was spelled correctly. Trueley.

 

I had to learn to understand regional dialect though. Years back I lived in North Carolina, and my friend was going to the University of NC. Hah, now the other thing I see creeping into our language is the foreign way of saying that, which is becoming acceptable in an abridged sort of way. I could have typed , When I lived in North Carolina, my friend was going to University. Sorry, it's still a noun and you physically can't University.

Now, at the UNC she was taking an English class. In the textbook, they actually recognized and taught that southerners did not conjugate the verb "to be." You remember this simple rule; I am, You are, He, She, It is and so on.

When I lived there; We be leanin' was the catchphrase. Which I think translated to: We are relaxing. I don't know, but it was on bumper stickers everywhere. But there was alot of I be, You be, He be, She be Leanin going on and shit. Yep, don't forget to add that phrase to the end of every sentence.
On a side note, when I used to sing in choir at church, our director taught us the game 'between the sheets'. Open your hymnal and add the phrase at the end of the song title. Loads of fun, try it sometime.

I can sit here and joke about what is acceptable anymore, but we have to have standards. I'm all for being an individual, but at least let's speak the same language. I think they should bring back Schoolhouse Rock and I am ready to start a petition. After all folks, Knowledge is Power!

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Should Have Said Balls

2007-02-18

Since when did anatomy become a topic for debate? When did librarians become censors? I don’t remember a general election held giving a $35,000 a year employee the right to place their morals on the written word. If anything their position is to be neutral and make sure censorship isn’t happening. This country is still a Democracy not a Monarchy.

So a Newberry Award winning book is falling under fire for the word scrotum. Oh no! What will happen to the rest of civilization as we know it if a 9 to 12 year old reads about a snake bite on a dog’s nut sack? Will an adult have to explain the parts of the body to a child? It’s the least of your worries and at least they are reading.

Just be grateful the author is creating a setting that isn’t brandished with today’s urban vernacular. Would you rather them read: “That old dog Roy, tried teabaggin’ a rattler and got bit instead”?

I’m betting most of these kids has seen the movie Ace Ventura Pet Detective. Yeah it was rated PG 13 and it grossed $72,217,000 (USA) and continues to make $34,000,000 in rentals.

How did the parents explain Ace Ventura getting a blowjob in the opening scenes? I don’t remember one news story of a mass exodus from theaters world wide or a cry to ban the movie from theaters. Nope, everyone munched their popcorn and laughed along.

Take a listen for a moment to the music your kids listen to and download. Once you get passed the screaming lyrics and rap crap, the last thing you should be worried about is a little scrotum.

But let it be the written word, and all of a sudden the Moral Minority rears its ugly head. What are you trying to protect children from? Wizardry in Harry Potter might lead to children worshipping the Devil if you follow these idiots reasoning. If you take offense to this then, yes I am talking to you.

Where in the world did this fear come from? How about teaching your children that the world isn’t to be viewed through rose colored glasses, sometimes the glass isn’t half full, its just empty, and every living mammal out there in order to survive must reproduce and someone has to have a scrotum. Why are you making more out of this then it is?

If you don’t believe me, Bible people, go back to Adam & Eve. Look what happened when an “apple” was made the “Forbidden Fruit”. Eve just couldn’t stay away and took a big old bite and that was our downfall. Humanity was banished from Paradise forever more to be ashamed of nudity?

Yeah, once again, I kind of doubt that’s how it went down. But the point is, go ahead and ban the book from school shelves, and all you are going to accomplish is spiking the retail sales of the book The Higher Power of Lucky. I checked out the premise of the book and it appears to me if anything, it should be praised by the Moralist out there, as Lucky eavesdrops on “anonymous” meetings searching for a “Higher Power” to figure out her life.

But since the word SCROTUM appears on page one, it’s another case of a book being judged by it’s almost cover. It truly isn’t meant to be a shocker. Think about how many times you are out in public and out of the mouth of babes, your kid innocently embarrasses you in line at the supermarket,remarking on how big someone’s butt is in front of you, loud enough for the other person to hear. You stammer out an apology, and your child gets a reaction, does that make you a bad parent and Child Protective Services called in? Do you go to church on Sunday and have your child’s demon’s driven out? No, of course not, that would be overreacting to a situation. The only thing the writer is conveying is that kids hear things, ponder about the ones they don’t understand and repeat it.

I personally remember being about seven years old and asking my mother, “I heard you can prick your finger but you can’t finger your prick, is that true?” She didn’t rush me to a bar of soap, she simply said yes, and I let it go. Only later did I learn what a prick was a term for, and realized hey wait a minute..she lied. Hmmph. Over, done with, gone.

When it comes to literature, especially this book, I foresee a greater debate. Once everyone gets past page one, and realizes that now a book is on the library shelves and its hinting of a 10 year old listening to a 12 Step Program, a number of which ascribe to a “Higher Power” to figure out her life, then you are going to have the Atheist storming the Supreme Court, because where is the separation of church and state in Public Schools?

The Christians are debating the wrong issue, but it’ll pick up if they don’t let this go now.

It happens. I used to live in West Chester, PA in fact I still consider it my home town. For over eighty years, the 10 Commandments were on a plaque posted near a side entrance of the courthouse. Then a member of “THE FREETHOUGHT SOCIETY” got offended- and this kills me… intimidated by its presence. Way I see it, your thinking isn’t to free if you get scared by words on a plaque. In an even odder twist, Sally Flynn who was oh so offended was a prior Sunday school teacher. Christians are funny, funny like a fucking clown.

The honest truth is they weren’t afraid of the words but the connotation that somehow their civil rights would be abused if they were dictated to by biblical words. People are afraid of change. Yet everyday of their life, those words sat on a plaque and life went on and nothing changed. That is, until they decided they were offended so someone else should be too. So they got the Civil Liberties Union involved, and for a while they got it covered, but in the end it was over turned and the plaque stayed.

So it goes the same with this children’s story. Your world isn’t going to change because the word scrotum appears on page one. It’s not the decline of life as we know it. Use the C word; Compromise. Let the book stay on the shelves, and kids can check it out and read it. Teacher’s shouldn’t read it aloud to the class, god knows some idiot out there will file a complaint that the teacher is sexually harassing children if they read the book to a class. That's the other C word. Cash. Uh uh uh.. I know what you were thinking I was going to say.

But parents, if you raise a child, and they don’t know the parts of the body by the time they are of reading age, you aren’t doing your job. Don’t shoot the messenger or the message. Ask yourself what you are afraid of, face your fears and give your kids some coping skills. It’ll do them a world of good.

“Balls” said the Queen to the King, and the King laughed for he had two.

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BREAKING NEWS STORY

2007-02-17

So, I’m reading a BREAKING NEWS STORY that the Senate is gridlocked on the anti buildup measure in Iraq. I was more stunned they were working on a Saturday.

The Democrats were trying to send a strong message to Dubya that he wasn’t going to just rubberstamp his wants and needs with the war. OK. I get your little pissing contest power play..whoohoo…you win.

But lets look at the losers. The people of Iraq.

Whenever I read new stories, or listen to the arguments, I always try and turn the situation around.

Except for 9/11 we haven’t had to endure violence in our streets to the extent the Iraqi’s have. The last time we had war on our shores was the Civil War, and we still have pockets of clan members out there, skin heads and the like who won’t let it go. On the other hand, we have gratuitous lawsuits from descendents of slaves, who think they can cash in. But let’s put all that aside, and generally we don’t deal with anything remotely on a daily basis like the people of Iraq have.

Let’s put ourselves in their sandals.

If Iraq took it upon themselves to invade the US and take out our government, create war in our streets, and gather other foreign nations in joining them, all in the name that they believe we should follow Allah and their idea of government, would you be willing to die for your God?

Hypothetically speaking, say you actually sat down and did some studying and read up on Muslim (whether Shiite or Sunni or the myriad other factions) but what if it made sense? What if our democracy was so perverse and off the mark from its original intent that any change would be better than the direction this country has been heading?

There comes a time, where you have to say, we got ourselves so far into this countries business, that to leave them now, would be irresponsible. You can’t judge a third world country by our principles. Sure we have convinced them to embrace our democracy, in effect freeing themselves from the next Saddam who controlled the country through ethnic cleansing. Not unlike Mr. Hitler tried.

But imagine that it did happen. Imagine waking up one day, watching the news and all the Catholics by decree of the government to unify ourselves with the rest of the world, had to go. And we invite another country in to help us rid ourselves of them. Personally, I wouldn’t mind, it’s the religion I dislike, not the people, but therein lies the crux. Does the religion stand alone without its followers? How many isms can last without a following? They use the same Bible as Protestants, they just worship differently. There are some who are more devout. Would they be able to fight off Protestants in the streets for an alternative belief system? Would anyone get up from the dinner table and care?

I just imagine that if Muslims invaded the US at the Protestants beckoning, and joined forces with Americans against other Catholic Americans and uprooted our daily lives for years, we would be pretty pissed off if one day, they just left.

You came into our country, because your Government believed so strongly with the US that the Catholic Church was wrong and harmful to itself. Our infrastructure was destroyed every other day, so no watching Grey’s Anatomy or chatting on the phone. Roads that once carried thousands of vehicles destroyed. Power cut off and no means of restoring it. Think of how decimated our country would be if we were in the exact same position we have left Iraq.

Just apply whatever perception you have of war, and move it to the shores of this country. Remember the fear that was in the streets of NY and DC, and a town in PA on Sept 11^th, when we couldn’t believe that we were attacked. Live it every day.

They may have started it true, but we said we would finish it. Just like we did in Japan. Bombed the crap out of Nagasaki and Hiroshima, then we rebuilt it. But we learned from that atrocity, that it may not have been the most prudent way of dealing with our enemy.

I used to hold onto a belief, that works only in theory, that a common enemy would unite us all. Hence the whoop ass movie of the 90’s Men in Black etc. Except human nature still follows the survival of the fittest. Don’t think so? Why do you think we are addicted to reality shows like American Idol, The Apprentice and any other elimination show, pitting contestants against each other, and coincidentally gives the viewer control over someone elses fate or at least a vote on who they think should go, the networks are also smart enough to profit off of you for $.99 a phone call plus tax.

I’m not saying I have any good answers, except for unity. Sure I joke about it in my other blog World Wide Religion Smack Down. But the point I was making remains. Either we agree to disagree on our religious beliefs, and accept that were different for a reason. But the truly devout will never allow for that. I just want you for a moment to think what your life would be like trying to survive every day not knowing if you were going to be able to finish your coffee on your ride to work because a bus blew up beside you and took you out and 60 other people.

These extremist are people who will die and kill you for an idea, and they hate everything about Western Civilization. Nothing proven, just a thought process imbedded for centuries that what isn't their culture is wrong and must be eliminated, praise Allah.

I don’t think we ever will eradicate the “enemy”, but we do have to finish what we started. If you are keeping up with Operation Whatever its called right now, we technically are in the rebuilding stage, but those pesky insurgents keep attacking our asses and their countrymen. So if we don’t want the war on our shores, I think we need to persevere and continue the job to the best of their ability to maintain it. This isn't a bipartisan thing, its a responsibility to the world at this point.

Don't get all excited over the cost to the tax payer. You are getting a whopping $60.00 back this year in your tax return for the telephone Federal Excise Tax that was originally instituted in 1898 to help defray cost of the Spanish American War. Even though it was eventually repealed in 1902, our government reenacted it and continued enforcing it for the last couple of decades to the tune of collecting $300 Billion dollars from you and I on our telephone and cell phone bills. Unless you itemize. For shits and giggles I would love to go back more then the three year lookback period and add up all the taxes I've paid on every phone number I've had. $60.00 seems like such an arbitrary number, but I digress.

Now if you want the US to leave Iraq, just send a text message on your phone to 598576 with the Letter A.

If you want us to stay in Iraq send a text message to 598763 with the Letter B. Remember you can vote as many times as you like.

So please, don’t worry about the cost of this war. I’m sure your great grandchildren will be counting their Euros fifty years from now, thankful for their (€)100 refund. By then the Federal Telephone Excise Tax won't exist as we will be part of the New World Order. Though I'm hedging a bet the IRS gets a promotion to the Global Revenue Service.

 

 

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You've Been Pimped by Prosper.com

2007-02-15

Ok, so I’m reading up on this “new” lending service that is portrayed as you doing a good deed to help out your fellow man. From the fine print on the website;

THE PROSPER MARKETPLACE IS INTENDED TO FOSTER IDEALS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE, CONNECTION AND RESPONSIBILITY. YOU AGREE THAT WHEN MAKING BIDS YOU WILL NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ANY BORROWER OR GROUP ON THE BASIS OF RACE, COLOR, RELIGION, NATIONAL ORIGIN, SEX, MARITAL STATUS, AGE, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, MILITARY STATUS, THE BORROWER'S SOURCE OF INCOME, OR ANY OTHER BASIS PROHIBITED BY AN APPLICABLE FEDERAL, STATE OR LOCAL FAIR LENDING LAW, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION THE EQUAL CREDIT OPPORTUNITY ACT.

Uh, huh.

 

Except if you break it down, it goes a little something like this;

 

John Q Public wants to get laid. Mr. Prosper thinks that’s a good idea too, but he doesn’t have a vagina. But wait, he knows there has to be people out there with a vagina, which would like to do a good service and sleep with Mr. Public.

· Note: Your role as a Prosper "lender" is that of a loan purchaser, and your rights and obligations as a purchaser or prospective purchaser of Prosper loans are set forth below. Although you are referred to in this Agreement and on the Prosper website as a "lender," you are not actually lending your money directly to Prosper borrowers, but are, instead, purchasing loans from Prosper. All loans originated through Prosper are made by Prosper Marketplace, Inc. from its own funds, and then sold by Prosper to the winning bidder or bidders on the listing. Prosper is the originating lender for licensing and regulatory reasons and is licensed in all states where licensing is required. Prosper uses the term "lender" instead of "loan purchaser" for the sake of brevity and simplicity, and for the convenience of Prosper users who appropriately view Prosper as a marketplace for connecting individuals who wish to borrow money, with people who have money and the desire to fund loans to other individuals.

 

You also must open up an account to put your funds in so they can draw off of it. However, it can’t be an interest bearing account.

· Availability of Funds. At the time you place a bid you must have funds on deposit with Prosper ("Funds") in at least the amount of your bid, and you are not permitted to withdraw those Funds for so long as your bid is "winning" as described in Section 3 below. Your Funds will be placed in an FDIC-insured non-interest bearing account at Wells Fargo Bank, N. A. (the "Prosper Funding Account") separate from Prosper's own funds. When you place a bid, you must provide or confirm your deposit account information to facilitate electronic transfers of Funds to and from the Prosper Funding Account and your deposit account. You will not earn interest on Funds in the Prosper Funding Account.

Since Ah’m yo Pimp, that vagina is mine. It may be on your body, but you are giving me the rights to decide who gets to use it. Don’t be thinkin’ you can change your mind once you tole me I can use your vagina.

· Prosper's auction platform will automatically match your bids with any then-outstanding borrower listings that offer an interest rate higher than your minimum acceptable interest rate, and otherwise meet your designated criteria. Borrower listings with the highest offered interest rates above your minimum interest rate will be matched first, and thereafter your bid will be matched to borrower listings with incrementally lower offered interest rates (but still at or above your minimum acceptable interest rate) until all of your Funds are placed.

Bitch, you know that BJ is at least $100.00

· When you place a bid on a listing, your bid will be compared to other lender bids placed against the listing, and will be considered to be "winning" to the extent the interest rate specified in your bid is (i) lower than existing bids against the listing, or (ii) equal to existing bids against the listing, provided the listing is not fully funded with bids. Your bid remains on an active listing until you are outbid, or until the listing is withdrawn by the borrower or removed by Prosper in accordance with Section 9 below. If you are outbid, or if the listing, or if the listing is withdrawn or removed, your bid will be cancelled, and your Funds that were committed to your bid will be available for further bidding.

Pimp Daddy says Work it girl, other Bitches are getting more flavor to savor, walk on if he ain’t paying.

· Prosper does not warrant or guaranty that your bids will be matched with any listings. In the event some, but not all, of the Funds you bid are matched with a listing, you are committed to purchasing the Note that results from the portion of your Funds being matched with the listing, and the remainder of your Funds (i.e., the unmatched Funds) will remain in the Prosper Funding Account, available for further bidding.

Move on to the next car, next corner. He ain’t buying but someone is, everyone wants the poody and remember..I own that poody.

· To safeguard your privacy rights and those of your borrowers on all Notes evidencing Prosper loans the identity and address of the borrower will be shielded from your view, and your identity as the purchaser and owner of Notes will be shielded from your borrowers. Only the borrower's Prosper user name will appear on listings and Notes for you to see, and only your Prosper user name will appear with your bids.

Bitch his name is John, Don’t start with Call Me Ishmael here. Beside, don’t talk with you mouf full.

· Multiple Lenders. A borrower's listing may be matched with more than one bid, and therefore you may be one of several lenders who purchase a Note resulting from multiple bids being matched with a listing. In these instances, your Note is separate and distinct from the Notes of the other lenders, and is enforceable in accordance with its terms.

We’ll call that a party. More poody to go around.

· Purchase and Sale of Notes. Prosper agrees to sell and you agree to purchase, from time to time, without recourse, all Notes resulting from the matching of your bids with listings on the Prosper marketplace. Prosper agrees that promptly upon funding loans evidenced by such Notes, Prosper will sell, transfer, assign, set over and convey to you, and you will purchase, all of Prosper's right, title and interest in and to the Notes; provided, however, that Prosper will retain the Servicing Rights with respect to the loans. Although Prosper will retain the Servicing Rights to all loans, you will hold title to, and ownership of, the Notes until the Notes are paid in full or sold as provided in Section 6.f below.

Call me Bennit, cause you’re in it. And I still hold the rights to your vagina, but I’m taking my fee even though I had nothing to do with the transaction, except tell you about it. Most whores don’t need a Pimp, but they think they are protected.

· Servicing Compensation. As compensation for servicing the Notes, Prosper shall be entitled to retain from monthly payments on the Notes a servicing fee (the "Servicing Fee"). The current Servicing Fee amounts are posted in the Fees section of the Prosper website, and are subject to change by Prosper at any time without notice.

Dat’s my cut. It can change with each John you get with as long as you’re with him.

· Collection of Delinquent Loans. As part of the registration process, you will be asked, among other things, to select from among two or more unaffiliated collection agencies and designate which collection agency Prosper is to use in the event your Notes go into default. In the event a monthly payment on a Note is not received on or before the due date for the payment, you agree that in servicing such Note Prosper will take the following steps:

Always get the money, don’t get off your back until yo know how you getting the green. What do I have to do now? Break a leg or a face. Dat’s your two choices. I’m gonna work this guy over til I think I can’t get the payment.

· Notes that become over 120 days past due are written off as uncollectible, and sold to a debt buyer authorized and willing to purchase consumer loans. Proceeds, if any, from the sale, less expenses of sale, will be paid to you.

Now I gotta get Tiny in on this and he’s gonna try and get him to pay. If he does, he get’s his cut, I get my cut, and if there is anything left, you get your cut back for your vagina. Don’t be bitchin, you got laid and got a good feelin’. That’s what it is all about.

· PROSPER DOES NOT WARRANT OR GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL RECEIVE ANY RATE OF RETURN, OR ANY MINIMUM AMOUNT OF PRINCIPAL OR INTEREST ON ANY NOTE, OR ANY PRINCIPAL OR INTEREST AT ALL. THE AMOUNT YOU RECEIVE ON YOUR NOTES IS WHOLLY DEPENDENT UPON THE BORROWERS' PAYMENT PERFORMANCE UNDER THE PROMISSORY NOTES EVIDENCING THE LOANS. PROSPER DOES NOT GUARANTEE ANY LOANS OBTAINED THROUGH THE PROSPER WEBSITE AND DOES NOT ACT AS A GUARANTOR OF ANY LOAN PAYMENT OR PAYMENTS BY ANY PROSPER BORROWER.

· B. YOU FURTHER UNDERSTAND AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT BORROWERS MAY DEFAULT ON YOUR NOTES, AND THAT SUCH DEFAULTS MAY NEGATIVELY AFFECT THE AMOUNT OF PRINCIPAL AND INTEREST YOU RECEIVE ON YOUR NOTES.

That’s life on the street baby, take it or leave it. All we wanted to do was give John Q Public what he wanted, and make some money. You have no one to blame but yoself if you got the crabs or anything else. But tell your friends, maybe they will like to give a piece of their soul up too.

· The Finder's Payment Reward is added onto the interest rate you agreed to accept in your winning bid. For example, if the Finder's Payment Reward on a loan evidenced by one of your Notes is 2.00%, and your winning bid on the listing that resulted in the loan was 8.00%, the interest rate on the Note evidencing the loan will be 10.00% (8.00% plus 2.00%). The borrower will pay 10.00% interest; you will be entitled to receive 8.00% of the 10.00% (less the cost of the Servicing Fee and other authorized servicing compensation), and the group leader would receive 2.00% of the 10.00% interest, provided that the Note is not more than 30 days past due.

Hey, you agreed to let us prosper off your goods, why do you think you are getting back the full amount?

· You have no right under this Agreement or the Prosper Terms and Conditions to bring any legal action against any Prosper group leader, or against any other person, to collect any Finder's Payment Reward. You are not a third party beneficiary of, and you have no rights as a third party beneficiary under, any agreement between Prosper and any borrower, group leader or other Prosper lender.

Don’t be goin to the Man, cause the Man can’t help you. You may have thought you were the party of the first part since you’re the one that got the dick, but the reality is, you got dicked. But remember how good it felt to get a dick in you? Live with that and stop complainin’.

The fine print goes on and on. Anyone who get’s involved with this complicated pyramid investment scheme deserves to get their wallet raped.

And if you think being a borrower is any better…the interest rates on the loans can be up to 30% based on a credit score/letter they assign to you.

But there are people out there doing it, I rather take my chanced helping Miss Bridgette Zike.

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Snow and the City

2007-02-14

As a single woman, who is self sufficient, gainfully employed and usually happy, there are times (beside sex) when it’s nice to have a man around.

Today would have been one of them.

Not for the obvious reasons, as I am sitting here naked once again blogging to the masses. I have no reason to complain as I don’t live in Oswego, NY buried under 12 ft of snow.

I tend to call PA home, as I move around a lot, and always seem to come back to Chester County. Today I am second guessing myself.

Let’s back up to yesterday morning. It’s snowing, and I travel a lot of back roads to work. Winding, blind spot, treacherous roads on a normal day, but it is a shortcut nonetheless. One thing that is said about PA roads is that they are old cow paths that follow the streams. I’m here to attest that it is absolutely true.

I drive a convertible. A 2007 Spyder Eclipse. It’s sweet with a hell of a sound system, and thank god for heated seats. I keep it in the garage, and I don’t mind driving in snow.

So there I am yesterday morning, jabbing on the phone, controlling my speed and as I turn around a curve I see blue lights in the distance. Knowing that Kmart isn’t anywhere near or having a sale, I slowed my car to figure out what was going on. Office FD Friendly was directing traffic down a one way street. Since none of us knew where it lead, we all took our turns completing the three point turn, to get back to the road and attempt another route to work. This was going to be a long day. I wound my way around to a State road figuring it would already be salted which it was. I got to work around 10:30 and accomplished a lot, but kept one eye out the window. Which coincidentally isn’t easy to do, because then you are stuck relying on peripheral vision to do everything else. Try it now. Turn your head to the right and keep reading this. Not so simple now is it?

Anyway, around 5:10 or so it was suggested that we leave as the weather wasn’t improving. Knowing that the best way home would be the same route I arrived I took a chance thinking they would have plowed and salted again. Wrong.

By the time I got home, driving an average of twenty miles an hour, I was tired, and glad to be back. I poked around in the garage, hoping I had a bag of salt. Oh I did. Stuck in a big old solid mass. I used the heel of my boot to pound away at it, and break it up into smaller chunks. Loser then took several lame ass handfuls and spread it on the driveway in hopes that would stay the current deluge approaching. Actually, I said..fuck it, I’ll deal with it later.

Normally, my neighbor across the street, in the event of a big storm, is the first man out on his John Deere Plow. He’s a NASCAR guy, so I’ve never seen the likes of this mini plow he has going on, but it works.

I was up though the night, listening to the sound of freezing rain, and sleet hitting the window. Wasn’t looking good that anyone was going to make it in to work today.

By 8:30 the Office Manager called stating the obvious. Since I am the IT department and the Accounting Dept amongst a host of other things, I can access the company switch board and servers from home. You just didn’t realize it, but writing that sentence reminded me to go check the company email. Nothing pressing so I’m back.

Its’ been snowing and freezing rain most of the day, but since no one has been down my street to plow, and at this point no sign of my neighbor I faced the inevitable. I would have to get dressed (damn) and go outside and shovel.

I reluctantly put a layer of clothes on and socks and boots. I wrapped a scarf around my head and gave Simon a pat on the head. I was hoping if something happened to me shoveling he would be able to use his opposable thumb to dial 911. Knowing him though, he wouldn’t think to do it, until he was hungry for his treat.

I trudged outside, and I was like Jesus walking on frozen water. Look at me! I’m walking on snow and with a startling crunch, fat ass here, fell through the layers of ice and snow. Oh well, fun while it lasted.

I should go outside and take a picture of my shovel. At first I couldn’t locate it, and then remembered it was probably behind the freezer. I saw the handle sticking out, and I grabbed it like it was free condom day at the clinic. Is that a day? Alas, my poor plastic shovel didn’t fare any better than those condoms getting used. It was bent and warped from being stuffed too long in a small place. I should check the wall to see if there is a shovel head indentation worn into the block.

Knowing my only other alternative was the gold shovel in my car, from our groundbreaking ceremony, I decided to forge ahead with the misshapen tool. Hey, I’ve worked with worse. I dug down through the layers of ice and snow, and just kept tossing it to the other side of the drive. This sucked. I couldn’t get a full shovel; it was like trying to eat peas with a bent twisted spoon. Plus I have no patience for this crap, and with every shovel full, I could feel myself pulling my ribs out, and wasn’t up for a trip to the chiropractor.

Deciding that I should use the power of my car, and also knowing some jackass got stuck earlier in the day in my other driveway, should have deterred me. It didn’t.

I went slowly; I backed out, got so far, and pulled back into the garage. I did this two or three times then I got cocky. My driveway is short and backs right onto the road. It’s about a car length, and the garage was converted at sometime into a single from a double. There is not a lot of room. Did I mention this is a 2007 car? Leased?

I put the car in reverse and thought I would make it to the road. Almost made it too. But as the old saying goes almost only counts for horseshoes and hand grenades.

Crap. I got out of the car, and thought I could throw some salt down for traction. I started the car again, and spun my wheels. I looked at my house to see Simon in the window staring at me. Is that a smile on your face cat? Hmmph. Time to break out the emergency Simon supplies. I keep his extra kitty litter pans in the trunk of my car, laugh at me will you?

So there I am like Tinkerbelle sprinkling handfuls of kitty litter all around my car and tires, knowing I only had one shot at this. I jumped back in the drivers side and hit the gas. I felt the tires grip the litter and with new found confidence gave it more gas. That’s when I started heading for the garage wall and fishtailing. Oops. I backed off a little and tried again slllowwwwly. With a lurch the car leapt into its spot.

I let out a sigh of relief, and picked up the remains of the salt and hacked the hell out of it. I emptied the rest of the salt on the tire tracks, except for one lump.

That is going under my pillow in hopes that the Snow Plow Fairy arrives sometime overnight.

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Miami Ink and Me

2007-02-14

Anyone that knows me would find it hard to believe that I watch Miami Ink. As a matter of fact I even allow myself to have a crush on Ami James. That is one intriguing man, even if he doesn’t fit my criteria –bald and tattooed.

The simple premise of the show, people getting tattoos and the reason behind them, isn’t mind boggling, but it does touch your soul. Sure you see a lot of pain expressed through ink, as if they were wearing a badge of honor. It’s a different way of coping. Personally, I like to live and learn from my life, but for me, as long as long as someone lives in my mind, they are never truly gone and no needles are involved.

My sister has a tattoo- now I’ll be in trouble if she ever finds this blog; it’s her big rebellious conservative roll she plays in life. She wanted me to get a tattoo as well her daughter. The same one she has. The concept was fine; the end product wasn’t to my liking. Plus as I explained time and again, there really isn’t a flat plane on my body, and good lord, tattoos stretch and grow if your anatomy changes.

However, as I was watching tonight, they had a quick blurb about applying to be on the show.

Now in my imagination, they are going to get deluged with all kinds of heartbreaking stories, and the hot babes that want their 15 minutes of fame. Not me, I have it all worked out. I think I am going to do it just to see what kind of response I get. Knowing my luck they will read it and contact Comcast and make sure they block my access to TLC Tuesday nights at 10:00.

A lot of times, the cast is hanging outside on the sidewalk when it isn’t busy. I need to catch them when they are. The door open, bells tinkle against the glass as I approach the counter. In my hand will be a rolled up tube of tracing paper for the stencil. Normally whoever is manning the desk greets you and listens as you describe what you are looking for them to tattoo. They are pretty tired of the Koi fishes, florals, skulls, etc. I’m going to plop my tube down and as I unroll the stencil a full front and back picture of a size 8 nude woman is revealed. I’ll explain how I want the thin woman tattooed front and back on my body, so I can go to the cosmetic surgeon and get everything outside of the lines liposuctioned out.They may be stunned into silence, but I think they would be up for the challenge and it would put a smile on their face. I’d even bring extra ink. Of course if they didn’t want to do that I’d have a backup picture of a certain gentleman’s head tattooed on my ass so figuratively I’m always sitting on his face. You know who you are.

Well, that’s my idea for the ultimate tattoo and then some. I’ll let you know how it works out.

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ITS MY LUCKY DAY!! WHOOHOO!

2007-02-13

Every good scam deserves a response from me. I've summed this one up easily. My response is at the end. 

 

From Bridgette Zike
Abidjan-Cote d'Ivoire
West Africa.

My dear,

Compliment of the day to you and how are you over there in your country I believe that all is well with you.My name is Bridgette Zike I am 20 years old single lady.

Dear it's my desire to seek for an assistant from you and I got the believe that you will help me out successfully I write with due respect I am Miss Bridgette Zike and I inherited some amount of money from my late father who died in recent crisis in Cote d'Ivoire West Africa.
I wish to request for your assistance in investing this money in a lucrative venture under your directives and guidance in your country I want you to assist me for the transfer of this sum of Four million five hundred thousand United States Dollars ($4.500,000) into your account designate hence I will give you the contact of the bank where the money is kept, so that you can contact them immediately and discuss with them since I do not know much about money transaction.

I will give you some resonable percentage from the total sum for your assistance while I pray that you do not betray me at the end please it is important you contact me immediately for more clarifications on the next step hence it is my wish to relocate to your country as soon as this transaction is concluded,please do respond via this email address : ( b_zike_ci@yahoo.co.jp )

God bless you.

Yours Faithfully.

Miss Bridgette Zike.

&nbs