[I Was Naked]
When I Wrote ThisYou've Been Pimped by Prosper.com
2007-02-15
Ok, so I’m reading up on this “new” lending service that is portrayed as you doing a good deed to help out your fellow man. From the fine print on the website;
THE PROSPER MARKETPLACE IS INTENDED TO FOSTER IDEALS OF COMMUNITY SERVICE, CONNECTION AND RESPONSIBILITY. YOU AGREE THAT WHEN MAKING BIDS YOU WILL NOT DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ANY BORROWER OR GROUP ON THE BASIS OF RACE, COLOR, RELIGION, NATIONAL ORIGIN, SEX, MARITAL STATUS, AGE, SEXUAL ORIENTATION, MILITARY STATUS, THE BORROWER'S SOURCE OF INCOME, OR ANY OTHER BASIS PROHIBITED BY AN APPLICABLE FEDERAL, STATE OR LOCAL FAIR LENDING LAW, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION THE EQUAL CREDIT OPPORTUNITY ACT.
Uh, huh.
Except if you break it down, it goes a little something like this;
John Q Public wants to get laid. Mr. Prosper thinks that’s a good idea too, but he doesn’t have a vagina. But wait, he knows there has to be people out there with a vagina, which would like to do a good service and sleep with Mr. Public.
· Note: Your role as a Prosper "lender" is that of a loan purchaser, and your rights and obligations as a purchaser or prospective purchaser of Prosper loans are set forth below. Although you are referred to in this Agreement and on the Prosper website as a "lender," you are not actually lending your money directly to Prosper borrowers, but are, instead, purchasing loans from Prosper. All loans originated through Prosper are made by Prosper Marketplace, Inc. from its own funds, and then sold by Prosper to the winning bidder or bidders on the listing. Prosper is the originating lender for licensing and regulatory reasons and is licensed in all states where licensing is required. Prosper uses the term "lender" instead of "loan purchaser" for the sake of brevity and simplicity, and for the convenience of Prosper users who appropriately view Prosper as a marketplace for connecting individuals who wish to borrow money, with people who have money and the desire to fund loans to other individuals.
You also must open up an account to put your funds in so they can draw off of it. However, it can’t be an interest bearing account.
· Availability of Funds. At the time you place a bid you must have funds on deposit with Prosper ("Funds") in at least the amount of your bid, and you are not permitted to withdraw those Funds for so long as your bid is "winning" as described in Section 3 below. Your Funds will be placed in an FDIC-insured non-interest bearing account at Wells Fargo Bank, N. A. (the "Prosper Funding Account") separate from Prosper's own funds. When you place a bid, you must provide or confirm your deposit account information to facilitate electronic transfers of Funds to and from the Prosper Funding Account and your deposit account. You will not earn interest on Funds in the Prosper Funding Account.
Since Ah’m yo Pimp, that vagina is mine. It may be on your body, but you are giving me the rights to decide who gets to use it. Don’t be thinkin’ you can change your mind once you tole me I can use your vagina.
· Prosper's auction platform will automatically match your bids with any then-outstanding borrower listings that offer an interest rate higher than your minimum acceptable interest rate, and otherwise meet your designated criteria. Borrower listings with the highest offered interest rates above your minimum interest rate will be matched first, and thereafter your bid will be matched to borrower listings with incrementally lower offered interest rates (but still at or above your minimum acceptable interest rate) until all of your Funds are placed.
Bitch, you know that BJ is at least $100.00
· When you place a bid on a listing, your bid will be compared to other lender bids placed against the listing, and will be considered to be "winning" to the extent the interest rate specified in your bid is (i) lower than existing bids against the listing, or (ii) equal to existing bids against the listing, provided the listing is not fully funded with bids. Your bid remains on an active listing until you are outbid, or until the listing is withdrawn by the borrower or removed by Prosper in accordance with Section 9 below. If you are outbid, or if the listing, or if the listing is withdrawn or removed, your bid will be cancelled, and your Funds that were committed to your bid will be available for further bidding.
Pimp Daddy says Work it girl, other Bitches are getting more flavor to savor, walk on if he ain’t paying.
· Prosper does not warrant or guaranty that your bids will be matched with any listings. In the event some, but not all, of the Funds you bid are matched with a listing, you are committed to purchasing the Note that results from the portion of your Funds being matched with the listing, and the remainder of your Funds (i.e., the unmatched Funds) will remain in the Prosper Funding Account, available for further bidding.
Move on to the next car, next corner. He ain’t buying but someone is, everyone wants the poody and remember..I own that poody.
· To safeguard your privacy rights and those of your borrowers on all Notes evidencing Prosper loans the identity and address of the borrower will be shielded from your view, and your identity as the purchaser and owner of Notes will be shielded from your borrowers. Only the borrower's Prosper user name will appear on listings and Notes for you to see, and only your Prosper user name will appear with your bids.
Bitch his name is John, Don’t start with Call Me Ishmael here. Beside, don’t talk with you mouf full.
· Multiple Lenders. A borrower's listing may be matched with more than one bid, and therefore you may be one of several lenders who purchase a Note resulting from multiple bids being matched with a listing. In these instances, your Note is separate and distinct from the Notes of the other lenders, and is enforceable in accordance with its terms.
We’ll call that a party. More poody to go around.
· Purchase and Sale of Notes. Prosper agrees to sell and you agree to purchase, from time to time, without recourse, all Notes resulting from the matching of your bids with listings on the Prosper marketplace. Prosper agrees that promptly upon funding loans evidenced by such Notes, Prosper will sell, transfer, assign, set over and convey to you, and you will purchase, all of Prosper's right, title and interest in and to the Notes; provided, however, that Prosper will retain the Servicing Rights with respect to the loans. Although Prosper will retain the Servicing Rights to all loans, you will hold title to, and ownership of, the Notes until the Notes are paid in full or sold as provided in Section 6.f below.
Call me Bennit, cause you’re in it. And I still hold the rights to your vagina, but I’m taking my fee even though I had nothing to do with the transaction, except tell you about it. Most whores don’t need a Pimp, but they think they are protected.
· Servicing Compensation. As compensation for servicing the Notes, Prosper shall be entitled to retain from monthly payments on the Notes a servicing fee (the "Servicing Fee"). The current Servicing Fee amounts are posted in the Fees section of the Prosper website, and are subject to change by Prosper at any time without notice.
Dat’s my cut. It can change with each John you get with as long as you’re with him.
· Collection of Delinquent Loans. As part of the registration process, you will be asked, among other things, to select from among two or more unaffiliated collection agencies and designate which collection agency Prosper is to use in the event your Notes go into default. In the event a monthly payment on a Note is not received on or before the due date for the payment, you agree that in servicing such Note Prosper will take the following steps:
Always get the money, don’t get off your back until yo know how you getting the green. What do I have to do now? Break a leg or a face. Dat’s your two choices. I’m gonna work this guy over til I think I can’t get the payment.
· Notes that become over 120 days past due are written off as uncollectible, and sold to a debt buyer authorized and willing to purchase consumer loans. Proceeds, if any, from the sale, less expenses of sale, will be paid to you.
Now I gotta get Tiny in on this and he’s gonna try and get him to pay. If he does, he get’s his cut, I get my cut, and if there is anything left, you get your cut back for your vagina. Don’t be bitchin, you got laid and got a good feelin’. That’s what it is all about.
· PROSPER DOES NOT WARRANT OR GUARANTEE THAT YOU WILL RECEIVE ANY RATE OF RETURN, OR ANY MINIMUM AMOUNT OF PRINCIPAL OR INTEREST ON ANY NOTE, OR ANY PRINCIPAL OR INTEREST AT ALL. THE AMOUNT YOU RECEIVE ON YOUR NOTES IS WHOLLY DEPENDENT UPON THE BORROWERS' PAYMENT PERFORMANCE UNDER THE PROMISSORY NOTES EVIDENCING THE LOANS. PROSPER DOES NOT GUARANTEE ANY LOANS OBTAINED THROUGH THE PROSPER WEBSITE AND DOES NOT ACT AS A GUARANTOR OF ANY LOAN PAYMENT OR PAYMENTS BY ANY PROSPER BORROWER.
· B. YOU FURTHER UNDERSTAND AND ACKNOWLEDGE THAT BORROWERS MAY DEFAULT ON YOUR NOTES, AND THAT SUCH DEFAULTS MAY NEGATIVELY AFFECT THE AMOUNT OF PRINCIPAL AND INTEREST YOU RECEIVE ON YOUR NOTES.
That’s life on the street baby, take it or leave it. All we wanted to do was give John Q Public what he wanted, and make some money. You have no one to blame but yoself if you got the crabs or anything else. But tell your friends, maybe they will like to give a piece of their soul up too.
· The Finder's Payment Reward is added onto the interest rate you agreed to accept in your winning bid. For example, if the Finder's Payment Reward on a loan evidenced by one of your Notes is 2.00%, and your winning bid on the listing that resulted in the loan was 8.00%, the interest rate on the Note evidencing the loan will be 10.00% (8.00% plus 2.00%). The borrower will pay 10.00% interest; you will be entitled to receive 8.00% of the 10.00% (less the cost of the Servicing Fee and other authorized servicing compensation), and the group leader would receive 2.00% of the 10.00% interest, provided that the Note is not more than 30 days past due.
Hey, you agreed to let us prosper off your goods, why do you think you are getting back the full amount?
· You have no right under this Agreement or the Prosper Terms and Conditions to bring any legal action against any Prosper group leader, or against any other person, to collect any Finder's Payment Reward. You are not a third party beneficiary of, and you have no rights as a third party beneficiary under, any agreement between Prosper and any borrower, group leader or other Prosper lender.
Don’t be goin to the Man, cause the Man can’t help you. You may have thought you were the party of the first part since you’re the one that got the dick, but the reality is, you got dicked. But remember how good it felt to get a dick in you? Live with that and stop complainin’.
The fine print goes on and on. Anyone who get’s involved with this complicated pyramid investment scheme deserves to get their wallet raped.
And if you think being a borrower is any better…the interest rates on the loans can be up to 30% based on a credit score/letter they assign to you.
But there are people out there doing it, I rather take my chanced helping Miss Bridgette Zike.
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