[I Was Naked]
When I Wrote ThisSnow and the City
2007-02-14
As a single woman, who is self sufficient, gainfully employed and usually happy, there are times (beside sex) when it’s nice to have a man around.
Today would have been one of them.
Not for the obvious reasons, as I am sitting here naked once again blogging to the masses. I have no reason to complain as I don’t live in Oswego, NY buried under 12 ft of snow.
I tend to call PA home, as I move around a lot, and always seem to come back to Chester County. Today I am second guessing myself.
Let’s back up to yesterday morning. It’s snowing, and I travel a lot of back roads to work. Winding, blind spot, treacherous roads on a normal day, but it is a shortcut nonetheless. One thing that is said about PA roads is that they are old cow paths that follow the streams. I’m here to attest that it is absolutely true.
I drive a convertible. A 2007 Spyder Eclipse. It’s sweet with a hell of a sound system, and thank god for heated seats. I keep it in the garage, and I don’t mind driving in snow.
So there I am yesterday morning, jabbing on the phone, controlling my speed and as I turn around a curve I see blue lights in the distance. Knowing that Kmart isn’t anywhere near or having a sale, I slowed my car to figure out what was going on. Office FD Friendly was directing traffic down a one way street. Since none of us knew where it lead, we all took our turns completing the three point turn, to get back to the road and attempt another route to work. This was going to be a long day. I wound my way around to a State road figuring it would already be salted which it was. I got to work around 10:30 and accomplished a lot, but kept one eye out the window. Which coincidentally isn’t easy to do, because then you are stuck relying on peripheral vision to do everything else. Try it now. Turn your head to the right and keep reading this. Not so simple now is it?
Anyway, around 5:10 or so it was suggested that we leave as the weather wasn’t improving. Knowing that the best way home would be the same route I arrived I took a chance thinking they would have plowed and salted again. Wrong.
By the time I got home, driving an average of twenty miles an hour, I was tired, and glad to be back. I poked around in the garage, hoping I had a bag of salt. Oh I did. Stuck in a big old solid mass. I used the heel of my boot to pound away at it, and break it up into smaller chunks. Loser then took several lame ass handfuls and spread it on the driveway in hopes that would stay the current deluge approaching. Actually, I said..fuck it, I’ll deal with it later.
Normally, my neighbor across the street, in the event of a big storm, is the first man out on his John Deere Plow. He’s a NASCAR guy, so I’ve never seen the likes of this mini plow he has going on, but it works.
I was up though the night, listening to the sound of freezing rain, and sleet hitting the window. Wasn’t looking good that anyone was going to make it in to work today.
By 8:30 the Office Manager called stating the obvious. Since I am the IT department and the Accounting Dept amongst a host of other things, I can access the company switch board and servers from home. You just didn’t realize it, but writing that sentence reminded me to go check the company email. Nothing pressing so I’m back.
Its’ been snowing and freezing rain most of the day, but since no one has been down my street to plow, and at this point no sign of my neighbor I faced the inevitable. I would have to get dressed (damn) and go outside and shovel.
I reluctantly put a layer of clothes on and socks and boots. I wrapped a scarf around my head and gave Simon a pat on the head. I was hoping if something happened to me shoveling he would be able to use his opposable thumb to dial 911. Knowing him though, he wouldn’t think to do it, until he was hungry for his treat.
I trudged outside, and I was like Jesus walking on frozen water. Look at me! I’m walking on snow and with a startling crunch, fat ass here, fell through the layers of ice and snow. Oh well, fun while it lasted.
I should go outside and take a picture of my shovel. At first I couldn’t locate it, and then remembered it was probably behind the freezer. I saw the handle sticking out, and I grabbed it like it was free condom day at the clinic. Is that a day? Alas, my poor plastic shovel didn’t fare any better than those condoms getting used. It was bent and warped from being stuffed too long in a small place. I should check the wall to see if there is a shovel head indentation worn into the block.
Knowing my only other alternative was the gold shovel in my car, from our groundbreaking ceremony, I decided to forge ahead with the misshapen tool. Hey, I’ve worked with worse. I dug down through the layers of ice and snow, and just kept tossing it to the other side of the drive. This sucked. I couldn’t get a full shovel; it was like trying to eat peas with a bent twisted spoon. Plus I have no patience for this crap, and with every shovel full, I could feel myself pulling my ribs out, and wasn’t up for a trip to the chiropractor.
Deciding that I should use the power of my car, and also knowing some jackass got stuck earlier in the day in my other driveway, should have deterred me. It didn’t.
I went slowly; I backed out, got so far, and pulled back into the garage. I did this two or three times then I got cocky. My driveway is short and backs right onto the road. It’s about a car length, and the garage was converted at sometime into a single from a double. There is not a lot of room. Did I mention this is a 2007 car? Leased?
I put the car in reverse and thought I would make it to the road. Almost made it too. But as the old saying goes almost only counts for horseshoes and hand grenades.
Crap. I got out of the car, and thought I could throw some salt down for traction. I started the car again, and spun my wheels. I looked at my house to see Simon in the window staring at me. Is that a smile on your face cat? Hmmph. Time to break out the emergency Simon supplies. I keep his extra kitty litter pans in the trunk of my car, laugh at me will you?
So there I am like Tinkerbelle sprinkling handfuls of kitty litter all around my car and tires, knowing I only had one shot at this. I jumped back in the drivers side and hit the gas. I felt the tires grip the litter and with new found confidence gave it more gas. That’s when I started heading for the garage wall and fishtailing. Oops. I backed off a little and tried again slllowwwwly. With a lurch the car leapt into its spot.
I let out a sigh of relief, and picked up the remains of the salt and hacked the hell out of it. I emptied the rest of the salt on the tire tracks, except for one lump.
That is going under my pillow in hopes that the Snow Plow Fairy arrives sometime overnight.
FinalyFree (2007-02-15)
Ya I think I might have given the 'ol golden shovel a whirl myself.
It might have been nice to have a man around as long as he wasn't laying on his ass inside doing nothing!
Mary Mary Quite Contrary (2007-02-14)
Great post WQ! I say use the "golden shovel" next time! (ok, and how many out there tried turning their head to the right and still reading!?!- LOL!)
Take Care and stay warm!
-Mary, Mary
MrGuy (2007-02-14)
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