[I Was Naked]
When I Wrote ThisMaxime's to Live By
2007-10-01
Tough lesson to learn. But it can be done.
There are those people in life who only find happiness in your misery. In other words, they're only happy if you're unhappy. They set up certain situations, to bring you down and go their merry way, satisfied that you feel the way they perceive themselves to feel, and think that you deserve it.
The sad truth is, you aren't thinking that much about the other person, and you'd hate to disillusion them that they aren't the center of your universe.
I think its worse when its a friend who plays this, more so than family. In a sibling relationship it starts right out of the womb, so you get imbued with it your entire life, and you reach that saturation point where it doesn't effect you as much.
But in a friendship, I've found I do reach my breaking point, and I have learned to say. Enough. I'm done. Grow up, get the help you need.
There was a point where I would pat myself on the back for being able to see through the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter and offer a solution. But when you deal with someone who truly has a mental disorder, the normal layperson is not trained to deal with it, regardless of the times one has been put through it. They feed off of your misery. The best defense I've found is to simply ignore them.
If I were to be honest with myself, which I do because its a terrible thing to lie to yourself, I had to take responsibility for enabling the bad behavior to continue. I was bringing the drama to my doorstep, even though I claimed I didn't want it.
So even though somewhat tatters of a friendship remain, the ultimatums given, I've learned not to take phone calls. Difficult? Yes since I'm always the responsible one. But my reaction to their actions, just continues the cycle. I had to recognize, god forbid when the inevitable happens, that I've done everything for them, gave them every tool to use, supported them, and you only have to show me 152 times that you aren't going to listen before I give up.
But that's the point. I didn't give up. They did, on themselves. I just chose to make better decisions for my own sake. I guess I'll always miss the potential of what could have been, but as they say, "If a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass when it jumped." I think I'll get out another skein of embroidery floss.
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