[I Was Naked]
When I Wrote ThisNeeding to be Needed
2007-07-01
I've found out one thing about myself, that in one aspect is annoying, but forces me to be introspective.
I cry at movies at the moment when the protagonist or whomever, realizes they are needed. Or the movie shows the closeness between family that reflects how much they are needed. Today, it was Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, the scene where Carmen's father stops the wedding to bring his daughter to his side, because he doesn't want to get married without her being a part of it. I've seen this movie before, who knows why it got to me today. Ok, I do know, but I've already worked it out in my mind.
The other movie that gets me is A League of Their Own. Generally its the scene where the sisters are apart on separate teams toward the end, and they reconcile after the younger one has her moment, and the older sister has to acknowledge it. They both played their best, the younger one just wanted it more. She didn't want it more, she needed to be acknowledged more.
It's human nature to want to be wanted. Procreating is one way of establishing that you are at least going to be needed for at least the next 18-22 years, and its only those parents that can't let go, and stay over involved in their children's lives that are afraid of feeling useless. But I think they've forgotten their own needs, having put their family first for so long, that they forgot to put themselves on the list too. I've seen it in my friends lives, and maybe I just pay more attention to it, I hate when my friends as parents are taken for granted and walked over by the kids and spouse.
We all have reasons for doing things for our own personal psyche. Sometimes we claim not to know why we do things, but at the heart of it, is because we need to be needed. I don't think that makes any one of us particularly needy, but it is why we hold on to bad relationships when we know we shouldn't. There really is too much of a good thing as well. I think we need to find the balance where we can give and take of ourselves, without it becoming damaging.
My girlfriend is in such the same predicament. She is holding onto a relationship with someone she tells herself she is in love with. But his actions are so selfish, and show such lack of respect for her as well as himself, I constantly question her as to why she is holding on. She claims she doesn't know. She goes to therapy, but she claims she honestly gets more help from me. I'm a little tougher, I give her assignments as it were. She avoids doing some of them, as she says she knows but doesn't have the strength to do what she needs to do. She keeps compromising her own principles and has given this guy a year of her life. I point out that she isn't afraid of being alone, as most of the time she is with this guy, and her 14 year old son makes better decisions then this guy does. I told her yesterday that I've supported her choice because that is what girlfriends do, and be the ever constant ear and shoulder. But to be a better friend, I told her that if I continue to watch her self destruct this way, I'm not being her friend.
Letting go is hard. We fear what else may come next that we may have to face on our own, or worse fear that no one else is going to want and need us.
Life's lessons are hard for a reason. When things come too easy, we can't appreciate the outcome. I try to live by the mantra when we lose, don't lose the lesson. I know I'm a strong independent woman, but I've also have done things for people in my not so recent past, that in the end was detrimental to me, but I've learned to moderate my giving,whether emotionally or financially.
I do believe you get back what you give, positively or negatively. So p.s. to any of you contemplating buying the book, "The Secret" thats the main lesson so save your Jacksons. That phenomenon that book is stirring reminds me of every get rich on line scheme I've ever researched. Send the money and you get a piece of paper that tells you to post "How You Can Earn Millions Online" for the low price of 49.95. Yup, there is a sucker born every minute. But I'm off track, but not really. I felt the need to share that information to help someone out there save their money, even if its someone I don't even know.
It goes back to needing to be needed. I like to analyze myself and my actions and what drives me. Do I feel better knowing my experiences in life can help my friends? Yes. Do I also know that people are going to do what they need to do? Yes. Because as easy as it would make life to have someone listen and learn from our lessons, I also know that its impossible without having their own experience to solidify the lesson.
The best part about learning from our mistakes, is what B.B.King said; "The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you."
Whether or not we learn what the exact lesson is, will always remain to be seen. But as my nephew said to me once, "If things don't turn out the way you thought they would in the end, than it isn't the end."
Such is the optimism of youth. Sometimes you do need to stop and let go if it hasn't worked out the way you planned. But that is his lesson to learn. Or a stalkers, hmmm.
I think one of the best quotes we all should learn and that sums it all up, is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
It applies to every aspect of our actions as human beings.
Well, enough introspection for me this morning, but I will be checking back in with me later. Its a beautiful day in PA and I'm turning HBO off and going outside to enjoy it. Just something I need to do.
I cry at movies at the moment when the protagonist or whomever, realizes they are needed. Or the movie shows the closeness between family that reflects how much they are needed. Today, it was Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, the scene where Carmen's father stops the wedding to bring his daughter to his side, because he doesn't want to get married without her being a part of it. I've seen this movie before, who knows why it got to me today. Ok, I do know, but I've already worked it out in my mind.
The other movie that gets me is A League of Their Own. Generally its the scene where the sisters are apart on separate teams toward the end, and they reconcile after the younger one has her moment, and the older sister has to acknowledge it. They both played their best, the younger one just wanted it more. She didn't want it more, she needed to be acknowledged more.
It's human nature to want to be wanted. Procreating is one way of establishing that you are at least going to be needed for at least the next 18-22 years, and its only those parents that can't let go, and stay over involved in their children's lives that are afraid of feeling useless. But I think they've forgotten their own needs, having put their family first for so long, that they forgot to put themselves on the list too. I've seen it in my friends lives, and maybe I just pay more attention to it, I hate when my friends as parents are taken for granted and walked over by the kids and spouse.
We all have reasons for doing things for our own personal psyche. Sometimes we claim not to know why we do things, but at the heart of it, is because we need to be needed. I don't think that makes any one of us particularly needy, but it is why we hold on to bad relationships when we know we shouldn't. There really is too much of a good thing as well. I think we need to find the balance where we can give and take of ourselves, without it becoming damaging.
My girlfriend is in such the same predicament. She is holding onto a relationship with someone she tells herself she is in love with. But his actions are so selfish, and show such lack of respect for her as well as himself, I constantly question her as to why she is holding on. She claims she doesn't know. She goes to therapy, but she claims she honestly gets more help from me. I'm a little tougher, I give her assignments as it were. She avoids doing some of them, as she says she knows but doesn't have the strength to do what she needs to do. She keeps compromising her own principles and has given this guy a year of her life. I point out that she isn't afraid of being alone, as most of the time she is with this guy, and her 14 year old son makes better decisions then this guy does. I told her yesterday that I've supported her choice because that is what girlfriends do, and be the ever constant ear and shoulder. But to be a better friend, I told her that if I continue to watch her self destruct this way, I'm not being her friend.
Letting go is hard. We fear what else may come next that we may have to face on our own, or worse fear that no one else is going to want and need us.
Life's lessons are hard for a reason. When things come too easy, we can't appreciate the outcome. I try to live by the mantra when we lose, don't lose the lesson. I know I'm a strong independent woman, but I've also have done things for people in my not so recent past, that in the end was detrimental to me, but I've learned to moderate my giving,whether emotionally or financially.
I do believe you get back what you give, positively or negatively. So p.s. to any of you contemplating buying the book, "The Secret" thats the main lesson so save your Jacksons. That phenomenon that book is stirring reminds me of every get rich on line scheme I've ever researched. Send the money and you get a piece of paper that tells you to post "How You Can Earn Millions Online" for the low price of 49.95. Yup, there is a sucker born every minute. But I'm off track, but not really. I felt the need to share that information to help someone out there save their money, even if its someone I don't even know.
It goes back to needing to be needed. I like to analyze myself and my actions and what drives me. Do I feel better knowing my experiences in life can help my friends? Yes. Do I also know that people are going to do what they need to do? Yes. Because as easy as it would make life to have someone listen and learn from our lessons, I also know that its impossible without having their own experience to solidify the lesson.
The best part about learning from our mistakes, is what B.B.King said; "The beautiful thing about learning is nobody can take it away from you."
Whether or not we learn what the exact lesson is, will always remain to be seen. But as my nephew said to me once, "If things don't turn out the way you thought they would in the end, than it isn't the end."
Such is the optimism of youth. Sometimes you do need to stop and let go if it hasn't worked out the way you planned. But that is his lesson to learn. Or a stalkers, hmmm.
I think one of the best quotes we all should learn and that sums it all up, is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.
It applies to every aspect of our actions as human beings.
Well, enough introspection for me this morning, but I will be checking back in with me later. Its a beautiful day in PA and I'm turning HBO off and going outside to enjoy it. Just something I need to do.
blak000 (2007-07-01)
When I see people staying in relationships that don't make much sense, like your friend is, it's almost always due to low self-esteem. The ability to just stand on your own two feet, and the knowledge that you don't need anyone but yourself, is a quality that's very hard to come by for most people.
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