[I Was Naked]
When I Wrote ThisBlonde and Dangerous
2007-05-27
Leaving well enough alone now, that I let Ms Loreal fix what Miss Clairol did..whew...seriously, note to self, stop coloring your hair before work!!
I had to laugh yesterday at one of the parties, when my girlfriend commented she likes my hair color. I assured her, you wouldn't have yesterday! Thank god I did have my hairdressing license for 25 years, or I wouldn't even attempt to do the things I do with chemicals. I just couldn't show up at my sisters house less then the best I could be. We aren't close. We should be, but since I'm the youngest and have lived my life the way I have seen fit, while she has been with her husband since she was a teen. I begrudge her nothing, proud of her accomplishments, has her doctorate in something or another, and has a very nice life for herself. I didn't remember what time the party started so I gave a call to her to find out, and offered to stop if they needed anything. She assured me they were fine everything was under control. Since it is a half hour drive to her house, I had to get on the road. She called me back less than a minute later asking if I could do her a favor and get her six cans of sterno, and I hesitated a moment, trying to think which store in my rural area might have it. Hearing my hesitation she asked me..." Do you know what sterno is?" I just had to sigh, and explain yes..just trying to think who has it. So I wasn't expecting much from this party, I would do my meet and greet and move on to the next one.
I got through my sisters party unscathed and actually stayed three hours. No mean feat there. Of course, she had to question me if I had been going yearly for mammograms, which guilty as charged, no I haven't. She then proceeds to show me where she had two biopsy's and this is her problem, and her doctor told her this, and by the way the doctor is sending me her results because I should go because I could have breast cancer. Huh? As if I didn't have enough to deal with right now, you had to lay this on me at a party? The closet hypochondriac..great.....I know her intentions were good, but seriously, I do self exams. Not good enough replied sister dear, and expert on all things, my large breasts are too dense for that. Sigh.
You know, timing is everything. I tried to explain to her other friend, that though something is going to get us all, the way my life is, it isn't going to be something like cancer, that does me in. Well at least not breast cancer, ass cancer maybe, something horrible and snickered at. Like poor Farrah Fawcet, can't just leave well enough alone, Ryan O'Neal has to tell the world she has anal cancer.
But my near death experiences so far have been choking on a chicken bone, staying in the ER for 5 hours while they take everyone else because I was breathing ok, never mind the pain and blood I kept spitting out. The gentleman beside me, complained he had been there for four hours. I asked him what was wrong? Heart attack? I couldn't help but laugh when he said yes. They sent me away that night after an xray and told me I was imaging it, and here's some Tylenol with codeine, get some sleep, and call and ENT guy in the morning. I didn't take the painkiller, knowing that it wasn't going to help. I called the ENT the next morning who had me come to his office on a Saturday, and I had a half hour drive to get there. On the way I made a few phone calls and as I am driving down a particularly pothole filled road, my left tire hit one just so and as I was speaking the bone fragment came up out of my mouth. I'm still driving and talking as I started to choke as it had come back out, and reassure my girlfriend I was ok. Fast forward to the doctors office, and he was not happy the hospital had missed this 2 inch , v shaped curved shard, from the chicken wing I had taken one bite out of. It was laying in my pinoidal sinus (or popcorn pocket to those of you who are medically trained) hence why I could breathe. So I wasn't in danger of dying that time, but a horrible thing to go through, and since I never was impressed by Chester County Hospital, that clinched it.
Or the time I was vacuuming the bathroom, and I had taken off the attachments from the vacuum to suck up kitty litter and as the vacuum was still running I turned to catch the falling vacuum and the handle I was holding fell into the open toilet almost sucking up the bowl water. I twirled and grabbed the hose out, in a blink that even Jet Li would have been proud of.
Or the time I had stopped at a car wash, and a half an hour earlier, having run out of my prescription allergy medicine, bought Benadryl, and took a rather large dose for myself. Then, not watching what I was doing picked up the grape soda can in my car I had bought and took a swallow. With a bee inside who promptly stung the roof of my mouth. Did I mention I'm allergic? I was half an hour from home and called my doctor who told me to go to the ER. I would have gone, but since I was loaded up on Benadryl it saved me.
That in my mind is how I am going to go..something stupid that they don't have a cure for. My luck runneth over so far. Unless of course, after all this time, I develop an allergy to hair dye.
surrogate (2007-05-27)
Great post. May you be through with the scares and scars.
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